A Life Half Lived
by AidenB
Summary: Her life would be over and she’d never have the chance to see what other life she could have lived. NS. Sort of an accompaniment to Midnight. POV of sorts. CHARACTER DEATH.


Sara wasn't jealous.

Not by a long shot. Nick flirted with everyone under the sun…not intentionally of course. It was just the way he was, charming, funny, easy going, good looking…Again. She wasn't jealous; he and Catherine were friends, just as she was with Nick.

So why should she be jealous?

Sara flipped her hair over her shoulders and concentrated on the paperwork before her. Only she couldn't concentrate.

"_Sara" _

He was talking to her now, about the case. He made a joke. She didn't really hear it, only saw the way his eyes would crinkle at the corners when he smiled, his deep dimples and that brilliant smile of his. He patted her on the arm and her stomach soared.

* * *

_Get a grip. _She couldn't have feelings for Nick Stokes. It was Gil Grissom she _loved. _Not Nick…that just wasn't possible.

She'd been in love with Grissom so long that she couldn't see herself loving anyone else but Grissom.

Was she happy being in love with someone so emotionally _stunted? _

Not really.

She would be…

One day

When Grissom finally said he loved her.

* * *

Sometimes she'd get a little niggling in her head, telling her that what if that day never came? Her life would be over and she'd never have the chance to see what other life she could have lived.

Perhaps a life with Nick?

Sara stared at the words in her anthropology book and exhaled. The words swarmed like flies on white paper, not making an iota of sense. She couldn't concentrate. Nick walked in the break room and flashed her a brilliant smile. He sat down beside her and made another joke.

He was talking about a case they'd been on. A beauty pageant contestant found dead because another girl had been jealous. The killer had found herself to be ugly, even though she was devastatingly beautiful in her own right.

"_What do you think beauty is? Don't laugh it's a simple question" _

She shook her head at him and wouldn't answer. She looked at him and repeated his question.

"_You" _he said without faltering

Sara sat perfectly still and didn't blink. She knew her face was flushing but she refused to acknowledge that. She just wanted to enjoy the sensation that coursed and exploded through her body. Then all was still.

Nick looked at her shyly.

"_Sara? Do you want to go out later?" _

Catherine and Greg walked in, all laughter and merriment and Nick joined them. Sara felt her heart racing.

So maybe she liked Nick a little.

* * *

They did go out to dinner. Sara dressed up. She felt like a girl about to go to her prom. She felt sick and dizzy and scared.

And she loved it.

Nick looked handsome as usual. He smiled at her and showered her with compliments and she pretended to dismiss them. Only she didn't, she kept each word he said locked deep inside her heart.

When it came to say goodnight she found she couldn't. It was the first time in a long time she'd truly laughed.

"_I love it when you smile Sidle." _He said softly

Sara didn't say goodnight.

He felt _heavenly _against her skin. His dark brown hair stuck up in messy clumps. Sara checked the digital letters on her alarm clock. She'd make him breakfast.

It felt right. She got up and quickly dressed, not caring that her hair was a mess. She kissed Nick gently on the lips and headed for the corner shops.

As Sara walked the distance to the local shops, she thought back to the night's events and couldn't resist blushing and smiling all at the same time. Buying all the breakfast items she would need and probably a hwole lot more, Sara headed back to her apartment.

Maybe it was time to tell Nick what she'd been trying to ignore the past two years.

She loved him.

Maybe he already knew that.

She didn't see the car.

As the groceries clattered deafeningly around her falling body Sara's final thought was at least she'd had a glimpse.

A little glimpse of the life she could have lived. That made her smile. Her eyes shut and she told Nick she loved him.

_There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.  
You became the light on the dark side of me.  
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.  
But did you know,  
that when it snows,  
my eyes become large and,  
the light that you shine can be seen_

_-Seal; Kiss From A Rose-_

* * *

**A/N: I'm morbid for this. I know, but I had to write a fic from Sara's side. It's sad…but thanks for reading it anyways and thanks for all who reviewed my other fic _'Midnight' _**


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